"Patrick Swayze Riding a Unicorn with Sam Elliot (Moustached Sam Elliot)"

The following are among the things I cannot draw:

1. Celebrities
2. Unicorns (or any kind of horse-like being)

The following are among the things I kick ass at drawing:

1. Magical rainbows

"a Oaxacan cockfight"

Use your imagination. I have no idea what's going on in that censor'd bubble, but I do know it's horrifying.

"George the bad cat being very bad"

George's mischievousness aside, it's pretty irresponsible to keep all your eggs (Homeland Security files and AIDS cures) in one basket/gigantic open cardboard box.

Good news, art patrons!

This blog is totally not dead anymore. It's still probably near-dead, compared to a lot of things on the internet, but it's a start.

I will begin slowly uploading the final batch of cards in my "to do queue," some of which have been kicking around since last Autumn. Beyond that, after an unbelievably terrifying period where I thought I had lost everything, I have recovered all of the cards I have yet to ship out (in a little box in my friend's storage closet. Here's a tip for those of you who move a lot, or ever: get your shit together better than me).

I thank you all tremendously for your patience (yet again), even those of you who asked for refunds during my long months in the wilderness of not updating. Frankly it's kind of ridiculous it takes me so long to do this stuff, but hey: good artist, shitty capitalist, huh?

Beats,

Joe Mathlete

"Chuckmo the Octopus Releases his First Record"

You should ALWAYS read a contract before you sign it, or else you might have to go on Carson Daly's show.

"ROAD TRIP: Erin and Colleen eat a lot of shampoo"

Kind of like a Hunter S. Thompson novel, only retarded.