"a penguin in flight, with cool sunglasses on"

The US military is so hard up for recruits these days that they're allowing new-wave penguins to enlist.

"The Notre-Dame de Reims under attack by space dinosaurs, being valiantly defended by a giant Woody Allen"

Being even the slightest bit confrontational like this is basically as valiant as Woody Allen gets, giant or otherwise.

"John Madden and Captain Planet hang out on a Sunday afternoon"

Don't quote me on this, but I believe they met through AA.

"Angry Cats Staring Down Clowns"

One theory is the one with the hat is hiding their squeaky toys in his pants, but it's hard to say with such a vague title. As I've said before, genius works of art that stand the test of time are open to many varying interpretations.

"Two dinosaurs shooting lasers out of their mouths, and a bear is riding one of the dinosaurs"

The one on the left is a brontosaurus or whatever, not just a stalk with a head... he's in the foreground and you can't see the rest of his body. I would draw trees and stuff to give perspective, but perspective is something people who took art classes can do, and I am not such a person.

"Ben and Kristine (Ben's tall, Kristine's really short)"

I sure hope the real-life Ben and Kristine like flowers.

"Dairy Farm Outsourced to Space"

In space, no one can hear you cream.

... I hate myself.

"Tigger Kicks his Owner's Boyfriend Out of Bed"

Throws, kicks, whatever. The point is, if Tigger's pissed that someone's cutting into his snuggle time, he's going to be proactive about it.

"Moby Dick appears on Jay Leno's show with Charo, a longtime Friend of the Whales"

This drawing may have scads of personal meaning for the person who asked for it, or they may have just been in the middle of a fever dream when they were requesting it. Regardless, I like Moby's eyebrows quite a bit.

"Joe Mathlete beats up the entire Owner-Family (including Marmaduke)"

It didn't have to be this way, but I've got certain responsibilities.

"A SPIN Magazine research assistant fighting a bear"

The bear is STILL pissed they gave Bandwagonesque album of the year over Loveless.

"John D. Rockefeller getting a wedgie in front of Big Ben & Parliament"

That may or may not be what Parliament really looks like, but it was a beautiful day out and like hell I was going to spend it on google.

"A penguin boxing an armadillo"

The relationship between this penguin and armadillo is incredibly complex and layered. Starting with the fact that they are a penguin and armadillo, and have some sort of relationship. If I ever begin a comic strip with recurring characters, I think I'm going to use these guys.

"a monkey in a cowboy suit riding a dog, attempting to lasso a midget dressed as a clown"

I hope boots and a hat are enough to qualify as a "suit."

I am going to be in a real-live art exhibit

Not me, I mean... Things I made.

Click here for some extreme curiosity sating!

"Lincoln in a helicopter totally raping General Lee, who has no helicopter"

THAT oughta show him.

"draw me... TEN PIRATES!"

The parrot was awarded full pirate status after he betrayed a guy and buried him alive with some treasure, so he counts towards the final pirate-count.

"welcoming our new robotic overlords"

Tim and Cindy are so screwed... Robots totally hate cake.

"Sarah, collector of 8's"

"I'm losing my edge / I'm losing my edge / the kids / are coming up from behind / I'm losing my edge /to the art-school Brooklynites / with their little jackets / and their borrowed nostalgia for the unremembered 8's"

- LCD Soundsystem (almost)

"Mean Polar Bears"

"You're fat" is absolutely the meanest possible thing you can say to a little girl who is a little bit chunky.

"The folly of people from Denmark being named after a delicious breakfast pastry"

The real folly is that they're too polite to tell people to stop gnawing on people with the firmness and determination such a request ought to warrant.

"Alice and James Get Married"

Between getting married and lawyering, James is about as busy as a tiny green fish can be.

"Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde having fun"

I can only imagine what that must feel like.

"A butterflyfish as a law student"

I don't know what a butterflyfish is, but I know that they look like that.