"Shanna loves her cats, Princess & Trenton"

Although I'm not entirely sure she understands HOW to love them all that well.

"A Polish Sausage Wearing Lederhosen"

... just totally minding its own business, without a care in the world.

"three guys at a table eating mozzerella sticks"

See kids? Who says you need drugs to have a rockin' good time?

"Osama Bin Audited"

All he has left is a few flies, and even those are apparently going away now.

"Monkeys taking over the world"

I have no idea why destroying Paris is so central to their plans. We should figure that out soon, though, to make sure this never comes to be.

"A cosmic duck race"

I continue catching up on previously-placed orders with one of my all-time favorite requests. This is maybe the only thing in the world better than a regular duck race.

Holy crap I am so taking orders again

Things are still gonna be somewhat rocky for a little while; I just moved and have no internet access at home at the moment, and am still depending on the kindness of strangers for use of a scanner, but things are slowly beginning to settle down. My mailing situation is stabilizing, and it looks like I'm ready to start this whole shebang up again. Huzzah, right?

I did a minor revamp of the old order form page... You might notice a couple of slight differences, noticeably the price ($11.99). It's true that this is a rather significant increase over what it was when I stopped taking orders last month ($5.99), but it reflects both how much I genuinely think they're worth when you factor in how much time I put into each one and general awesomeness, and also how much I hope I don't get inundated with bajillions of requests. I'm working on developing a way to get 36 hours out of every day, though, so stay tuned.

Click here to read the specifics and get a card of your own, if you like. Remember to read the fine print on the order page before ordering, on account of I said so.

I've got a post office guy to help me with post office stuff now, too, so things will likely be far less moronic in that sense in the future. Can I get a hell yeah. Thank you.

Beats,

Joe Mathlete

"Skunky boozin' with Unkie"

Unkie is a bad influence and there's no two ways about it.

"a handsome man with a shaved head overcooks spaghetti"

Remember: handsome is in the eye of the beholder. In this case, the beholder is the man with the shaved head, who happens to be incredibly vain.

"a wizard f&#king a unicorn"

Don't worry, it's consensual. The unicorn's just not in the mood.

"A princess makes Triscuit Surprises"

I'm sorry that I ruined the surprise of Triscuit Surprises by showing the ingredients here.

"Osama Bin Bloggin'"

I've never actually heard My Chemical Romance, but I saw a picture once and I'm reasonably sure they are not the new Queen. Not a single moustache among them.

"a giant anteater drowns his sorrows at the bar alone after being laid off by the box factory"

After a couple more drinks he starts yelling at the bartender for not having little bowls full of ants to go along with the bar nuts.

"a very short vacation"

Ha! That's rich. Hey, think of it this way: on a geological scale that was barely a blink of an eye. Everything's relative.

Anyway, I'm back in action now. Expect something resembling an order form to go up Monday evening. Also, if you haven't received your card yet even though I've drawn it and posted the picture on this blog, that's because, uh, I haven't mailed it. I realized a little while ago that I've just kind of been sitting on a lot of these for awhile rather than post office-ing them (metaphorically, not literally... they're in a little box, not under my ass). That'll be all different and stuff sooner than later.

In other news, today I had a hot dog for lunch and it was just okay.